Same same. For me, I am still waiting on the elderly pets, but in the meantime, I am learning French and reading up on different areas, watching YouTube, and enjoying the planning stages. I have a fear of the opportunity passing me by if for some reason, visa requirements change, or for some other reason, I cannot leave the country.
It sounds like maybe you need to get away from those wild Substack "I dropped everything and moved to..." journeys and go back to the collective wisdom of...Facebook expat groups. I know you're not on FB anymore and I'm there very little, but I used to hang out some on the "moving to France" groups. The advice from people having made the move was overall to take your time, check different places out, and NOT to just jump in. In other words, exactly what you're doing. Two years or so seems like a reasonable time frame to turn your life upside down. As they say, "you've got this".
Ma chère Sacha, I LOVED this read. I felt ALL...OF...THIS!! We took it bite by bite like you are. We prepared for 16 months. The worry, the panic, the, what-if-my-kid-doesn't-get-into-a-high-school-and-we-can't-go ness to it all. And it worked out. And I can officially say, dipping fully into living in Paris for 10 months has shown us all we need to know: 1.) We should have moved to Provence, or maybe somewhere on a coast 2.) The Paris Syndrome is REAL 3.) We miss our kids so much and want to be near them, thus, us moving here permanently, or to any other country permanently, will have to wait longer than we thought. Also...JOYEUX ANNIVERSAIRE tôt! Bisous, LStL
Merci ma chére! But you took the plunge, and it worked out--even if it's not permanent. I would imagine it's especially challenging when you have kids! Glad your son came to visit you, and your birthday sounded amazing :)
I agree with you that living in between states of being is hard, neither here nor there. You've already made up your mind to leave but you're still in place... I understand the frustration and pressure, but remember you're working on it. You may not have put your place for sale and packed your moving boxes, but the intention and first steps are there. You're on your way, even if it takes longer than you had envisioned. We left NYC in January 2020, thinking we would be in France within a few months - because of covid, it took us 2 years! Hang in there!
Thank you, my friend. I’ve been thinking about you and know it’s been a very difficult year. Hoping to get to Bordeaux for a few days, perhaps in July. I’ll let you know—it would be great to see you guys.
As a counterpoint, for whatever it’s worth, we did the opposite. In 2023, we sold every single possession, our winery, our restaurant, just about everything but the pets. Packed up the kids, a few suitcases, shipped the Peloton, and moved to Bordeaux. It wasn’t the kind of slow, methodical approach you describe. We cannonballed in. One day, we were standing on our porch in Texas, the next, we were dropping the kids off to a new school in a new country.
I get the value of easing in, of gradual steps and thoughtful planning. But for us, it would’ve been like tearing off a Band-Aid one hair at a time. I’m not wired for that. I think we knew that if we didn’t just do it…all of it, at once…we’d never actually do it. There’s always a reason to stay, always one more season, one more thing to do, one more family dinner you can’t miss. That kind of stuff is gravity. You don’t fight it; you just learn to jump higher.
And yeah, we miss the proximity to family and friends. I guess y hat’s the price of jumping. But what we’ve found here is a reconnection to living life not just getting through the day. Some times it does feel like limbo, especially on the winery side, but I attribute that more to this country forcing me to slow down than anything. I feel like we’re building something here, carving it out bit by bit. It’s not less messy; it’s just messier in a different language.
I suppose all I’m saying is sometimes the only way to find out if you’re really ready is to do it before you’re ready. We didn’t wait for the perfect timing or some sense of complete security because we knew it would never come. There’s always going to be a reason to hold back. For us, cutting them all at once was the only way to really start over.
I guess that’s the difference: the choice between easing your way into it or tearing through it like a brushfire. One is about minimizing risk; the other is about burning the bridges behind you so there’s nothing left to run back to. Neither is right or wrong; it’s just about what you can live with.
Those last few years when our move was put on hold sometimes felt agonizing. But in my most generous moments, I felt the liminal space as a gift. It reminds me of how I teach yoga movement: the transitions are not just a means of moving from one pose to another. They are poses, in and of themselves. Places to pause, reflect, settle, move forward only when ready. Those pauses set up a solid foundation -- of desire and wanting and preparing -- that paid off for me once we moved. I can tell by your intense thoughtfulness and ability to let yourself experience all of the preparing, pausing, reflecting, enriching, yearning, that this time in limbo will provide a solid foundation for you, too. (Not to mention many more good reads for us.)
Thank you so much, Theresa! We are considering going to the Brittany coast this summer (we will be in Normandy late July/early August). It would be lovely to see you again!
My husband and I are in that liminal space now. We just returned from another trip to France last week and feel more certain that we'd like to live there. But first we have to get our offspring launched...
I love this so much and totally relate! It’s an uncomfortable space and, yet, as Julia Cameron talks about in “The Artist’s Way”, if we keep opening the oven to see if the dough is rising, we don’t give it the right elements to thrive. You’re doing this thoughtfully and intentionally. I’m proud of you both! 🩷
Hang in there. I've been here since January and spend far too much of my time dealing with the French bureaucracy. Had to hire a local "administrative assistant" to help with paperwork. Maybe it gets easier eventually but right now it seems to go on forever.
Maybe by doing things the way you do - thoughtfully and with intent - you will avoid some of the pitfalls so many expats/immigrants seem to be falling into when they come here without being fully prepared only to crash into walls (the French language! The French Administration! The French!) ;-)
Patience, les amis, patience and happy (and productive) travels this summer.
Liminal is good if you can do it, which is what we’re trying to do, it’s current politics that puts pressure on us both. We bought our home last summer, under the previous admin, because it was our dream and we were determined and felt that the home would bite a chunk off then we could work on the rest. So we’re here this summer and then watching. . . But I’m with you, the peace I feel here, the humanity, is worth everything.
So beautifully stated and the in between is something so many of us can relate to!
Same same. For me, I am still waiting on the elderly pets, but in the meantime, I am learning French and reading up on different areas, watching YouTube, and enjoying the planning stages. I have a fear of the opportunity passing me by if for some reason, visa requirements change, or for some other reason, I cannot leave the country.
It sounds like maybe you need to get away from those wild Substack "I dropped everything and moved to..." journeys and go back to the collective wisdom of...Facebook expat groups. I know you're not on FB anymore and I'm there very little, but I used to hang out some on the "moving to France" groups. The advice from people having made the move was overall to take your time, check different places out, and NOT to just jump in. In other words, exactly what you're doing. Two years or so seems like a reasonable time frame to turn your life upside down. As they say, "you've got this".
Thank you Betty! It would be so nice to meet you in person one of these days. We will be in France for 3 months starting in June. 😊
Jealous! Are you at all nervous about crossing the US border in either direction?
Where?
Dijon, Rouen and then probably Brittany, then back to Paris. We want to stay north because of the heat.
I doubt I'll be in any of those areas this summer...maybe Paris at some point, but it's hard to predict. But this will happen someday, I'm sure of it!
Ma chère Sacha, I LOVED this read. I felt ALL...OF...THIS!! We took it bite by bite like you are. We prepared for 16 months. The worry, the panic, the, what-if-my-kid-doesn't-get-into-a-high-school-and-we-can't-go ness to it all. And it worked out. And I can officially say, dipping fully into living in Paris for 10 months has shown us all we need to know: 1.) We should have moved to Provence, or maybe somewhere on a coast 2.) The Paris Syndrome is REAL 3.) We miss our kids so much and want to be near them, thus, us moving here permanently, or to any other country permanently, will have to wait longer than we thought. Also...JOYEUX ANNIVERSAIRE tôt! Bisous, LStL
Merci ma chére! But you took the plunge, and it worked out--even if it's not permanent. I would imagine it's especially challenging when you have kids! Glad your son came to visit you, and your birthday sounded amazing :)
Discomfort is not only a precursor to growth, it's a precursor within growth. Living with it is not easy, but your dreams will soothe its edges.
Thanks you wise one!
I agree with you that living in between states of being is hard, neither here nor there. You've already made up your mind to leave but you're still in place... I understand the frustration and pressure, but remember you're working on it. You may not have put your place for sale and packed your moving boxes, but the intention and first steps are there. You're on your way, even if it takes longer than you had envisioned. We left NYC in January 2020, thinking we would be in France within a few months - because of covid, it took us 2 years! Hang in there!
Thank you, my friend. I’ve been thinking about you and know it’s been a very difficult year. Hoping to get to Bordeaux for a few days, perhaps in July. I’ll let you know—it would be great to see you guys.
We would love that! :)
As a counterpoint, for whatever it’s worth, we did the opposite. In 2023, we sold every single possession, our winery, our restaurant, just about everything but the pets. Packed up the kids, a few suitcases, shipped the Peloton, and moved to Bordeaux. It wasn’t the kind of slow, methodical approach you describe. We cannonballed in. One day, we were standing on our porch in Texas, the next, we were dropping the kids off to a new school in a new country.
I get the value of easing in, of gradual steps and thoughtful planning. But for us, it would’ve been like tearing off a Band-Aid one hair at a time. I’m not wired for that. I think we knew that if we didn’t just do it…all of it, at once…we’d never actually do it. There’s always a reason to stay, always one more season, one more thing to do, one more family dinner you can’t miss. That kind of stuff is gravity. You don’t fight it; you just learn to jump higher.
And yeah, we miss the proximity to family and friends. I guess y hat’s the price of jumping. But what we’ve found here is a reconnection to living life not just getting through the day. Some times it does feel like limbo, especially on the winery side, but I attribute that more to this country forcing me to slow down than anything. I feel like we’re building something here, carving it out bit by bit. It’s not less messy; it’s just messier in a different language.
I suppose all I’m saying is sometimes the only way to find out if you’re really ready is to do it before you’re ready. We didn’t wait for the perfect timing or some sense of complete security because we knew it would never come. There’s always going to be a reason to hold back. For us, cutting them all at once was the only way to really start over.
I guess that’s the difference: the choice between easing your way into it or tearing through it like a brushfire. One is about minimizing risk; the other is about burning the bridges behind you so there’s nothing left to run back to. Neither is right or wrong; it’s just about what you can live with.
Those last few years when our move was put on hold sometimes felt agonizing. But in my most generous moments, I felt the liminal space as a gift. It reminds me of how I teach yoga movement: the transitions are not just a means of moving from one pose to another. They are poses, in and of themselves. Places to pause, reflect, settle, move forward only when ready. Those pauses set up a solid foundation -- of desire and wanting and preparing -- that paid off for me once we moved. I can tell by your intense thoughtfulness and ability to let yourself experience all of the preparing, pausing, reflecting, enriching, yearning, that this time in limbo will provide a solid foundation for you, too. (Not to mention many more good reads for us.)
Thank you so much, Theresa! We are considering going to the Brittany coast this summer (we will be in Normandy late July/early August). It would be lovely to see you again!
Please keep in touch.
My husband and I are in that liminal space now. We just returned from another trip to France last week and feel more certain that we'd like to live there. But first we have to get our offspring launched...
I love this so much and totally relate! It’s an uncomfortable space and, yet, as Julia Cameron talks about in “The Artist’s Way”, if we keep opening the oven to see if the dough is rising, we don’t give it the right elements to thrive. You’re doing this thoughtfully and intentionally. I’m proud of you both! 🩷
Thank you ma chére!
Nailed it, Sacha! Articulated perfectly...
Thank you Elizabeth! 💗
This is so spot on. Liminal spaces are so uncomfortable but essentiel to growth. That restlessness is completely normal. I feel you!
That’s what I keep reminding myself!
Hang in there. I've been here since January and spend far too much of my time dealing with the French bureaucracy. Had to hire a local "administrative assistant" to help with paperwork. Maybe it gets easier eventually but right now it seems to go on forever.
Thank you Kel!
“Petit à petit l’oiseau fait son nid.”
Maybe by doing things the way you do - thoughtfully and with intent - you will avoid some of the pitfalls so many expats/immigrants seem to be falling into when they come here without being fully prepared only to crash into walls (the French language! The French Administration! The French!) ;-)
Patience, les amis, patience and happy (and productive) travels this summer.
Merci Véronique! Thank you so much for the kind words! 💗
i love this topic- liminal. you feel and look 30 :) so nice to see you and Jason last week! bon voyage!
Aw, thank you!
Liminal is good if you can do it, which is what we’re trying to do, it’s current politics that puts pressure on us both. We bought our home last summer, under the previous admin, because it was our dream and we were determined and felt that the home would bite a chunk off then we could work on the rest. So we’re here this summer and then watching. . . But I’m with you, the peace I feel here, the humanity, is worth everything.
Kudos to you for buying a place! I've heard getting a French bank account is no easy feat if you're not a resident. Any tips?
Oui! https://stephanievanderslice.substack.com/p/how-french-home-insurance And it was Dennelle at Renestance that set us up with AXA which we used for both. Dennelle and Renestance are the bes!
Is Lumen the bank?
Lumen is how we transferred our money. Other people like Wise for transfer, we like Lumen fine. AXA is the bank.
Merci! Very helpful!